Boobies!

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“Come on, please, show me just a little.”

“I already said “no” so please don’t annoy me anymore, did I make myself clear?”

“How cruel you are! Just a nipple?”

“I’m sorry, do you have trouble understanding me? Anyway, I have come here to watch a movie.”

“I don’t see why we cannot combine things in a way that is pleasant for both of us.”

“Listen, if you don’t quit it I’m gonna make you face the eternal question. What do you prefer – castration or decapitation?”

“Now… what’s with the sudden purist attitude? Is your time of the month coming or something? Just a few hours earlier you were ready to strangle me with your thighs and knock the bottom of my mattress! And now you suddenly act like a proper Catholic lass, what the hell?”

“It’s not about that at all. I have long since kissed goodbye to any kind of virginal shame or maiden blushing. I’m used to have every inch of my skin revealed before other people’s eyes.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Forget it.”

“Oh, yeah, right, excuse me, you’re a woman, after all. Every behavioral logic is something unfamiliar to you.”

Silence.

“Do you really want to know what’s the problem?”

“Well, go ahead and tell me! You know that above all things I hate it when you beat around the bush. Especially when you combine it with some sulking.”

“Ever since I met you you haven’t been able to take your eyes off my tits. You stare at them like a gluttonous pig, like a boy in a candy shop who drools all over himself while staring at the cakes window display.”

“Wait, I think I get it where you’re driving at. You hint that I see you as nothing else but a pair of tits.”

“Isn’t that so?”

“Of course not! Gee, I start to believe that every little girl gets that speech handed to her at the kindergarten so she can learn it by heart and throw it like a bomb in the face of every male creature who approaches her. What’s with that hysteria?”

“I knew it there was no point for me to explain any of this to you!”

“Oh, yes, that’s the most convenient solution, to evade the problem. Yes, sure, go ahead and escape from it.”

“Will you stop mocking me?”

“I will when you stop giving me reasons to do that. I’m sorry but it’s absurd for two people who are in relationship, even if it is an entirely sexual relationship, to be ashamed and suspect each other like a pair of teenagers.”

“I don’t like the idea that you might not see anything but them. And I think I have so much more.”

“Of course you do. And just because I admire your tits it doesn’t mean that I don’t see the other sweets from the package. I have a thing for tits, so? Do I deserve a castration because of that?”

“What’s with that? You weren’t breastfeed long enough by your mother or what?”

“Would you mind if you stop to put me in those ridiculous stereotypes of yours? If you simply want us to get in a fight just go ahead and say so!”

“None of you understand it’s not always so easy for us. At times having those breasts is a burden. Okay, let’s get this over with, I don’t want you to blame me for overwhelming you with my female drama.”

“How about you give it a try without the drama? Why don’t you tell me what bothers you so much?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“I swear, if you ask me that questions just one more time…”

“The first time I felt something growing in front of my chest I got seriously scared. I thought I had a nodule or some other cancer formation. Or that something was generally wrong with me. ‘Your body is simply growing. ‘ Simply!”

“Come one, it can’t have been that bad.”

“Then they started growing. At some point I was shattered by the realization that they are a symbol… a social status… that the girls dream of them, that the boys want the, ‘You’re… well-endowed and luscious.’”

“I’m surprised how you haven’t realized it by that moment. I’m sorry but that’s hardly something new.”

“Anyway, it was just too much. You know, it’s really not cool when some scumbags whistle at you, to look at you as if you were a milk cow or some lecherous teachers to make you stay after classes. Let’s not even mention the ridiculous and obvious hints of silicone. Everybody crowds around you, they want to grab them, squeeze them and crush them. And there I am sitting among all that stupidity and wondering what the hell happened with me.”

“Come on… Aren’t you too grown-up for that? These are stuff from the past, everybody has had it rough at high school. They used to beat the shit out of me back then but I have no intention to get depressed over this.”

Pause.

“Now I bet you’d tell me it’s not the same.”

“I wish something had changed. But men are still such idiots about this. They begin to drool all over themselves just because of pair of boobs and they don’t give a damn that they looked like Neanderthals.”

“All right, damn it. Just accept the fact that I have a massive crush on you and your boobs are just a bonus. A sort of an additional ice-cream to the main course meal. Don’t you have some favorite parts of the male body yourself?”

“I’m sick of the fact that everyone thinks I have an easier life because of my luscious bust. Well, that’s not true! I won’t get you bored out of your wits with stories about how much of a pain in the ass is to find yourself a decent bra.”

“Oh, please, spare me! Whatever I have done it can’t be that bad so I would deserve such a punishment!”

“I thought so. What I’m trying to say is that… at some point it is as if the tits eat everything else.”

“Oh, geez, you’re simply unique. Tits – zombie assassins and ferocious cannibals.”

“It’s just that everything else seem to lose points in comparison with them. My body has so many other appetizing assets. I don’t even speak of my brains, my heart or what an amazing person I am. It is just like that doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, I know, it sucks. But you delude yourself if you think that everyone of us isn’t subject to prejudice. There is always someone with a preliminary idea of who we are. There is no point in getting frustrated over this because you have already been labeled. Such people will never let you be anything different than what they decided that you are. Do you really think it’s worth it to let them define your point of view? Be more positive.”

“I know, I know I shouldn’t care and that I should love myself and all that jazz. But the truth is that…”

“The truth is that you get yourself all worked up over nothing. You’re beautiful. Just relax.”

“I thought we had made it clear not to talk bullshit to each other and not to get ourselves fooled with fake compliments.”

“Damn, you’re impossible.”

“I know. Hey do you think that one night all of my other body parts would decide to get rid off those mounds of flesh? You know, because of rage since they were ignored?”

“Oh, poor little things. They probably tremble every night and shiver with fear.”

“… and respectively they find someone like you who would be willing to caress and comfort them. What crafty, little bitches…”

“Now what, are you complaining? I think you function in a pretty comfortable symbiosis… in some ways.”

“Okay, I tortured you way too much to think of clever lines with which to comfort my tormented soul. You got your prize. You’re very convincing. I almost fell for it.”

“Paranoid.”

“Tit lover.”

Laughter and rustle of an unbuttoned blouse.

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